Glossory of Lifestyle Terms in Kink, ENM, Poly, and Swing Culture

THE LIFESTYLE & ENM DEFINITIONS COMPANION

A guide for adults exploring ethical non-monogamy, swinging, polyamory, kink, and the open-minded travel community.

🟦 SECTION 1 — ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY (ENM)

Ethical Non-Monogamy is a broad umbrella describing relationship structures where people consensually pursue romantic, sexual, or emotional connections with more than one partner. The “ethical” part is essential: openness, honesty, transparency, and consent form the foundation.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)

ENM refers to any relationship model in which all parties knowingly agree that romantic or sexual exclusivity is not required. ENM prioritizes communication, honesty, informed consent, and emotional responsibility. It allows adults to explore authentic desires without deceit or secrecy.

Insight: ENM is not “cheating.” Cheating involves violation of trust. ENM requires trust.

Open Relationship

A committed couple who agree they may pursue sexual or romantic experiences outside the relationship.

• May involve rules or boundaries

• Often focuses on sexual exploration rather than forming multiple deep relationships

Common for couples exploring for the first time.

Open Marriage

Married partners who choose non-monogamy as part of their long-term relationship structure. Approaches vary:

• One or both partners may date others

• Some remain emotionally monogamous while exploring sexually

• Others practice fully open ENM lifestyles

Relationship Anarchy (RA)

A philosophy in which individuals prioritize autonomy, freedom, and consent over traditional relational hierarchy. Relationships (romantic, platonic, sexual, etc.) are not pre-assigned meaning or precedence; they evolve naturally without imposed expectations.

Insight: RA is not chaotic; it is intentional freedom.

Solo Polyamory

Polyamorous individuals who do not wish to merge life logistics (finances, housing, marriage) with partners.

They maintain autonomy and may have multiple partners but do not seek a primary-style relationship structure.

Compersion

The feeling of joy or pleasure when a partner has a positive experience with someone else. Often described as the opposite of jealousy. Compersion can be learned and cultivated over time.

This is a term unique to ENM communities and deeply valued.

🟥 SECTION 2 — POLYAMORY

Polyamory is a subset of ENM where individuals engage in multiple loving or emotionally significant relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

Polyamory

The practice of forming more than one romantic and/or sexual relationship simultaneously, with everyone’s informed consent. Polyamorous relationships often emphasize deep emotional bonds, long-term commitments, and personal growth.

Polyamory focuses on love, not just sex.

Hierarchy (Primary / Secondary)

A relational structure designating levels of priority.

• Primary partners: Share major life logistics, decision-making, cohabitation, etc.

• Secondary partners: Still meaningful but may have fewer shared responsibilities or commitments.

  
  

  Some polyamorous people reject hierarchy entirely.

Triad

A relationship among three partners who are all emotionally or sexually connected with each other.

Variations include:

• Closed Triad: Only the three partners are involved.

• Open Triad: Members may explore outside connections.

Quad

A relationship involving four people. Common structures include:

• Two couples forming a bonded unit

• Four individuals forming connections that may be romantic, sexual, or both

Metamour

Your partner’s partner.

Metamour relationships vary widely: they may be close friends, casual acquaintances, or respectfully independent.

Polycule

A diagram or network representing multiple interconnected relationships.

Helps clarify emotional and logistical connections within complex systems.

🟩 SECTION 3 — SWINGER LIFESTYLE TERMINOLOGY

Swinging focuses on sexual exploration—typically as a couple—with clear boundaries and an emphasis on fun, variety, and shared experiences.

Swinging

Consensual, recreational sexual exploration involving individuals, couples, or groups. Swinging can occur casually, socially, or at lifestyle events, clubs, resorts, and cruises.

Swinging is typically more sex-forward than polyamory.

Play

A term used to describe sexual activity within the lifestyle.

“Playtime,” “play session,” or “playing with a couple” are all common phrasing.

Soft Swap

Couples who engage in sexual activities with others except intercourse. Examples include:

• Kissing

• Touching

• Oral play

• Group sensuality

  
  

  Soft swap is common among newcomers.

Full Swap

Partners consenting to sexual intercourse with others, separately or together.

Couples should have clear communication before engaging in full swap dynamics.

Same-Room Play

Couples who prefer to play in the same physical space to remain connected, check in, or share the experience.

Separate-Room Play

Couples comfortable pursuing play in different rooms or locations.

Trust, boundaries, and communication are essential.

Hotwife / Stag & Vixen / Cuckold

These are distinct but related dynamics where:

• A woman may explore sexually with others while her partner enjoys the dynamic (stag/vixen)

• Power-exchange fantasies may be involved (cuckold)

Each dynamic is consensual and varies by couple.

🟪 SECTION 4 — KINK & BDSM TERMINOLOGY

Kink focuses on erotic, psychological, and sensory exploration beyond traditional sexual practices. BDSM communities prioritize consent, communication, and safety above all.

BDSM

An umbrella acronym for:

• Bondage

• Discipline / Dominance

• Submission

• Sadism / Masochism

BDSM can be sensual, psychological, intimate, or erotic—but does not require sex. Many participants enjoy kink for connection, trust, or empowerment.

Dominant (Dom/Domme/Top)

The person taking the active or leading role in a scene. Not all Dom/Dommes are aggressive; many are nurturing, attentive, and safety-oriented.

Submissive (Sub/Bottom)

The person receiving sensation, direction, or experience. Submissives hold significant power in scenes because their consent defines the limits.

Switch

Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles depending on mood, partner, or scenario.

Scene

A planned BDSM interaction.

Scenes can be:

• Sensual

• Role-play based

• Impact-focused

• Bondage-oriented

• Emotional or psychological

Scenes begin and end with clear communication.

Safe Words

Predetermined words used to pause or stop activity.

Common structure:

• Green: Continue

• Yellow: Slow down or modify

• Red: Stop immediately

Safe words ensure that power exchange remains consensual and controlled.

Aftercare

Emotional or physical care after a BDSM scene. May include:

• Cuddling

• Hydration

• Talking

• Warm blankets

• Grounding practices

  
  

  Aftercare fosters trust, safety, and emotional connection.

RACK vs. SSC

Two guiding philosophies of kink safety:

• SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual

• RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (acknowledges that some play has inherent risk)

🔵 SECTION 5 — CONSENT & COMMUNITY CULTURE

These cultural norms shape safe and ethical environments across all lifestyle communities.

Consent

Consent must be:

• Freely given

• Informed

• Enthusiastic

• Specific

• Revocable at any time

Consent culture is foundational across ENM, swinging, kink, and polyamory.

Negotiation

A conversation about boundaries, preferences, desires, and limitations before engaging in play or relationship exploration.

Boundary

An individual limit or comfort level. Boundaries are healthy, respected, and encouraged.

No Means No. Maybe Means No. Only Yes Means Yes.

A cultural standard ensuring consensual enthusiasm is the baseline for all interactions.

🟧 SECTION 6 — LIFESTYLE EVENT TERMINOLOGY

Useful for cruises, resort takeovers, or large-scale lifestyle gatherings.

Meet & Greet

A casual mixer where attendees connect before activities begin. Helps reduce social anxiety and encourages community building.

Workshop

Educational sessions on kink, relationships, consent, sexual technique, communication, or community dynamics.

Playroom

A designated sensual or kink-friendly space. Rules vary; respectful behavior is mandatory.

Theme Night

Costume-themed events that encourage creativity and build social connection. Examples: Glow Night, Fetish Night, Toga Night.

Pool Party

Often the social heart of resort and cruise events. Music, dancing, light flirting, and sun-soaked fun.

No-Pressure Zones

Spaces at events where social or sexual engagement is not expected.

Great for beginners easing in.